Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
by Miribai
Summary: The drell taught their children bedtime prayers just like humans did. Shepard learns to find comfort the old prayers when Thane's time comes. "And if Kalahira should call while I rest, I pray the ocean receives me well." Post ME 2. F!Shep/Thane.
1. Prologue: The Story So Far

Author's Note. My first ME fanfiction. Standard disclaimer rates apply.

The Story So Far

"Relax, but stand up straight kid. Don't worry, you'll do fine!" Captain Bailey clapped his youngest and most promising recruit on the back while the drell fidgeted in his new uniform.

"I know, it's just really intimidating. I mean how many times has a guy like me briefed the Council?"

Bailey shrugged. "I'll admit, not very many. But you're good at surveillance, and given your 'closeness' to Shepard, you're the best one to report what she's been up to."

"Hmm," Kolyat sighed staring off into the distance. It'd been two years since he met the imposing Commander Shepard and summarily also met her fist. She'd apologized since then, but he still rubbed his jaw whenever he remembered her.

_Tall, short brown hair, rich looking brown skin. Eyes fierce like fire and voice even tempered and strong. I see why father likes her._

"Agent Krios, the council will see you know." The chipper voice of the Presidium secretary prevented Kolyat from delving deeper into the memory. With one sharp breath, the young C-Sec operative steeled himself before stepping into the conference hall. Before him the four councilors and their advisors sat patiently await his report. Councilor Anderson nodded briefly at the young drell, they had spoken before. In fact, it was Anderson himself who staged this little meeting as a way to finally make the Council understand that Shepard was indeed on their side and worthy of her Spectre status being reinstated.

"So," Anderson opened, "Agent Krios, what can you tell us about Commander Shepard?"

"Right. It's been two years since the commander,"

Udina huffed at Kolyat's insistence on using Shepard's old title. Anderson gave his advisor a murderous look and motioned for Kolyat to continue.

"Since the _commander_ returned through the Omega-4 relay." Kolyat put pointed emphasis on the word glaring directly at Udina, daring him to interrupt again.

"In that time, she has limited her contact with her former Cerberus crew and has established a small mercenary operation on Omega."

"I'm sorry, Commander Shepard, humanity's golden child, now runs a band of filthy, lawless mercenaries?" The asari councilor spoke up, bewildered.

Kolyat shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "Yes, ma'am."

She turned to Anderson, "And you think she can be trusted still? Are you even hearing this Councillor Anderson? She's a bloody mercenary."

"If you'll let the man finish Councilor Tevos, you'll understand better." The asari settled back into her chair, skepticism painted on her dark purple face.

"Well, immediately after the Omega-4 incident, Shepard took a leave of absence. She left the Normandy SR-2 in the hands of its pilot and AI to be repaired. Everyone got an extended shore leave, and she left to…depressurize."

Kolyat wasn't exactly sure how to tell the council, "After Omega-4, Shepard and my father went cavorting about the galaxy bonking each other in just about every star port." He hoped he conveyed the idea as sterilely as possible.

"It is my understanding that Shepard was involved in relationship with your father, the well-known assassin Thane Krios. Is that correct?" This time it was the salarian councilor who spoke up.

"Err...Yes sir." If drell could blush, he'd be a nice shade of red now. He should have expected the council, especially the salarian, to be as well informed as he was.

Off to side, Udina sneered in disgust, obvious contempt for human-nonhuman couples was oozing from every pore. I took all Kolyat's self-control and sense of decorum not to vault over the conference table and beat the man to death.

Sure he had his reservations about Shepard, and damned if he was ever going to start calling her mom, or even stepmom. But even he could see just how happy she made his dad in his final months of life. Thane had done some horrible things, and Kolyat thought his disease was a vehicle for the gods to punish him. Thane had taken life quickly, quietly and without warning, it was a fitting punishment then to live every day knowing the method and manner of his own death while being powerless to stop it. His father had spent every day after his wife's death living in a cold and lonesome world of guilt and razor sharp memories. Shepard released him from that pain. Woke him up, set him free, and even put a smile on his face, a smile Kolyat hadn't seen since he was a young child. And in turn, Thane showed Shepard that real love can exist in the galaxy and that she was just as entitled to it as everyone else.

Shepard didn't visit so much after…the end, but when she did, Kolyat could see she had physically lost a part of herself. The woman who had been such a force of nature when he first met her was now thin, drawn, and mirthless. She didn't actively seek her death, but when it came for her, she'd welcome it easily.

When Thane died, Kolyat grieved as much for Shepard as he did for himself. Their love was as true and real as the love Thane had for Irikah. Udina's silent insults were therefore insufferable, and if he kept it up, Kolyat could potentially find himself locked up on death row for attempted murder.

"And it is also true your father was suffering from Kepral's Syndrome, an incurable and fatal disease."

"Yes," Kolyat replied almost inaudibly.

"Please continue, Kolyat." Anderson encouraged tenderly.

"Eight months after Omega-4, my father died on Kahje. Shepard was with him." Kolyat for the first time, broke eye contact with the councilors and stared at the floor, bidding his eidetic memory to spare him this one time.

_My dear Kolyat. I am going to Kahje and I will not return. These past months have been more than anything I could have hoped for. I was restored to you. I missed the chance to watch you grow up, but I didn't miss the chance to see you become a fine young drell. Your mother would be proud. I am proud. Know that I am watching over you from across the sea, and if you should ever need anything, look to Shepard. Be good my son. Grow up, fall in love, have a family, and love them like every day is your last. I love you Kolyat._

_Father_

The drell took a deep breath, purging himself of the memory. "Anyway, after that, Shepard reappeared on Omega and started the previously mentioned merc group. She recruited some of her former teammates to staff it."

The turian council member leaned forward. Finally the juicy bits. "The turian Garrus Vakarian serves as her second in command. Subject Zero, an exceptional human biotic, is her biotics expert. Zaeed Massani is her weapons expert and the team veteran."

The turian straightened. "You mean _the _Zaeed Massani, founder of the Blue Suns!" His voice was high pitched like an excited child discovering the latest edition of a new toy. "Author of _Blue Sun, the Real History of the Blue Suns Mercenary Group_? That Zaeed Massani?"

"Um…yes." Kolyat reported flatly.

"Wow, that's amazing Shepard."

Bailey could be heard snickering behind Kolyat.

"Okay, moving on. A krogan by the name of Urdnot Grunt is her heavy weapons specialist and her bruiser type. Mordin Solus maintains his clinic on Omega and drops in from time to time for consulting work. As does Tali'Zorah vas Normandy nar Rayya."

"Okay, okay, we get it. Shepard's kicking lots of ass in the Terminus system with a who's who of galactic badasses. What is her connection to Cerberus and the Alliance now?" Anderson interjected, still amused by the turian councilor's bit of star shock, but wishing to move this conversation along.

"Cerberus Operatives Lawson and Taylor send messages to Shepard from time to time. They give her updates about geth activity, generally believing geth and reaper activity to be linked. Shepard then usually investigates the disturbance, putting down any geth incursion." Kolyat kept the part about not destroying the collector base to himself. That probably wouldn't go over well.

"Wait, I'm sorry. How does that follow?" The asari councilor asked.

Councilor Anderson answered for Kolyat. "During her mission, Shepard came in contact with a sentient geth named Legion. Instead of doing what any of us would and vetting him out the airlock, Shepard restored him and learned some interesting things."

"Things like?" the salarian pushed eagerly.

"There is a division in the geth. Those that attacked the Council those years ago were actually following the reapers believing in them to bestow the geth with the technology to build their own future. Legion was a part of the faction content to leave other races alone and pursue their own future independently and more importantly without war."

All three councilors raised their eyes at Anderson.

"And with minimal effort, Shepard managed to reprogram a massive amount of those 'heretic' geth to see Legion's side of things, in effect, neutralizing several armies' worth of them."

The turian councilor whistled, impressed.

"So where is this Legion now?" the salarian asked.

"If my information is correct," Kolyat continued, "He's currently working with Tali'Zorah as a sort of ambassador between the geth and the quarians. They're working toward a peaceful agreement that will hopefully find the quarians back on their homeworld. That's also a product of Shepard's influence by the way."

Kolyat grinned pleased with himself being Shepard's de facto lawyer.

"Be that as it may, this still doesn't excuse the fact that Shepard is remaining in contact with Cerberus." Tevos remarked pointedly and Kolyat's smile deflated. "What is she up to now?"

"Cerberus influence is negligible at best. Now she just runs a simple merc outfit and keeps the peace in Omega and throughout most of the Terminus. If you don't want your door kicked in by an angry, bloodthirsty krogan, don't sell drugs to kids. If you don't want a biotic ripping up your insides, treat everyone like you would your own mother. And if you don't want Shepard at your door at 4 in the morning with a submachine gun in one hand and knife in the other, _do not _engage in any kind of slave trade and let her find out about it. Period."

Anderson smirked. That's Shepard, through and through.


	2. Angels Mercenary Group Incorporated

Angels Mercenary Group Incorporated

It was night on Omega. Not that anyone could tell the difference between night and day on the station. Every day dawned in a dirty haze that smeared the sky making night indistinguishable from day. Everywhere was filthy. The streets were packed, filled with unwashed masses of humans, vorcha, volus, elcor, and just about every other council race, even the so called 'civilized' ones like asari and turian. Shepard saw them all pass by her doors, the nondescript office of Angels Mercenary Company Incorporated. It was Garrus who insisted on the name ironically enough. Imagine the surprise on mercs' faces when Archangel was alive and well and better yet opening his own outfit right in their territory. The first few months of business were spent driving back every last merc with an axe to grind against him.

"Call it revenge," he had said wryly. "You didn't let kill Sidonis, but this is just as good."

In the aftermath, the business of the Blue Suns, Eclipse, and Blood Pack was marginal at best, nonexistent at worst. People wishing to do business with mercenaries found the guys and gals at Angels far more pleasant, cheap too. She only had four employees and herself to pay.

Urz padded eagerly through the door to Shepard's apartment looking forward to his nightly meal. The former commander patted the varren on the head indulgently before slopping a heaping pile of god knows what into his bowl. He devoured it happily.

Shepard's comm link buzzed. Reluctantly the woman answered it to hear a half drunk Garrus calling her as soon as she walked in her house.

"You sure you don't wanna come Shepard? I hear Aria's got some good entertainment lined up at Afterlife tonight. Jack and Zaeed are already here and already tossing guys over the bar. You'll get a good fight tonight. I promise."

Shepard chuckled. "No thanks Garrus. Just me and the dog tonight. You know what's coming up."

Silence on the other end of the line. The anniversary was approaching. Shepard clammed up tighter than a volus's credit chit around that time.

"Sure Shepard, see you tomorrow."

"Night Garrus."

She closed the connection.

It will be two years tomorrow.

Crime in the Terminus dropped significantly 5 months after Angels started up. Crime stopped altogether when The Anniversary came around. For a week, everyone became the decent person he or she always wanted to be, and if they didn't want to be, they did it anyway. Shepard was mean and downright malicious around this time. Rival merc bases were destroyed utterly and drug dealers' houses were set on fire to burn for days around this time of year. It was better for business if everyone just shut up and lay low. Give it a few days then let it get back to normal. Don't cross the Angels around this time of year if you want to keep living.

That's what she heard at least.

Truth be told, she didn't give a damn about the bedtime stories mercs told their new recruits about her. If they were all scared of her, good, they should be.

Angels was thriving nicely, not that it mattered to her anyway. Angels was just something to do to keep her sharp before the Reapers did in fact return. On the surface she was the CEO of a tiny but profitable venture that kept the most lawless part of the galaxy in check. On the inside, she was just going through the motions.

Urz snoozed peacefully, taking up the entire couch with his bulk. Shepard allowed herself a tiny smile and petted her faithful hound before retiring to bed.

Her room was dark but neat. No knickknacks. No pictures. Just a bed, a window, and a dresser.

Shepard sat lotus style on the cold floor in the dark room. She folded hands and knelt her head.

Then she prayed.

**Two years and five months ago**.

"If you're having trouble sleeping, Siha, maybe meditation will aid you."

Shepard looked up askance from her breakfast at the drell across the table.

"Come again?" she asked with a mouthful of eggs.

"Meditation, to help you sleep."

"Who says I have trouble sleeping?"

Thane gave a sly grin. "My own interrupted sleep does."

"Yes, I interrupt your sleep often," Shepard purred suggestively, "Never before have you complained."

Thane blushed. His physical relationship with Shepard was still relatively new. He hadn't gotten used to her casual remarks about it outside the bedroom yet.

Realizing his attempt to verbally best his siha had yet again failed, Thane gave an exasperated sigh.

"I mean you still have nightmares, they trouble you even after my 'exhaustive' efforts to put you to sleep."

This time Shepard blushed. "Thanks Thane, but do I look like the kind of girl to sit all pretzel legged chanting 'ohm….ohm'?"

"What is a pretzel, Siha?"

"Never mind."

"Nonsense, it is simple. Here, sit with me."

Thane rose from the tiny table in the tiny mess hall of their tiny star ship, which Cerberus had generously given her. The Illusive Man had practically fallen over himself to proffer the ship, the _Venus,_ after Omega-4.

"Good work Shepard, you've earned a long vacation." He had said, gouts of smoke obscuring his face. Shepard really took it to mean, "Thanks for the collector base, now please go away so I can tinker with it in hopes of developing the ultimate weapon."

Whatever he meant, Shepard was glad to have Thane, glad to have a ship, and glad to have some peace and quiet. She left the Normandy with Joker and EDI and basically told everyone else "don't call me, I'll call you." And no one blamed her for it. Time for Shepard was precious, everyone understood she needed to seize it while she could. So without much warning, she disappeared.

Their first stop was of course the Citadel. Thane spent two weeks with his son catching up while Shepard spent the time with Kasumi who insisted she help the woman shop for what would no doubt be a very, very long vacation.

"You'll need bathing suits, evening dresses, oh and nice underwear too!" The thief practically danced with glee dragging poor Shepard from shop to shop. But for all her annoyance, she enjoyed it just as much as Kasumi did.

After the Citadel, the galaxy was their own.

Now they were somewhere in Hawking Eta. They weren't quite sure where they were going, but it didn't really matter. Sometime they'd drift in the galactic sea for days on end, talking, laughing, or 'bonking 'as Kolyat would say. It was a good, lazy time. Time they were both long due for.

"Come, sit Siha." Thane took up a seat on the floor and folded his legs just so. He motioned for Shepard to do the same.

"Alright." Begrudgingly, Shepard took a spot next to Thane and tried to fold her legs the same way he had. She fumbled for a bit, fell over, and managed to pull a muscle while Thane sat by amused at her clumsiness.

"Siha, it's amazing, I thought your bedroom agility would translate well to something as simple as this." He snickered.

Shepard narrowed her eyes dangerously. "Keep it up lizard lips and I'll show you the extent of my 'bedroom agility', you won't stand right for a week."

"I welcome your attempts."

"Alright! I got it. Don't move…don't even breathe hard." She exclaimed finally managing to tuck her legs under her in the correct way. "Now what?"

Thane closed his eyes and breathed deeply. "Close your eyes. Clear your mind. Let the air of your breaths …Siha…"

Beside him Shepard was giggling. "What? It sounded like you said 'breasts'."

"Do you wish to learn, or should we instead resort to drugging you to get a good night's sleep."

"Depends on the drug." Shepard said licking her lips making none too subtle a reference at the hallucinogenic properties of drell skin. That was definitely an interesting night for the both of them. "Ok, ok, I've cleared my mind. _Breaths_ are running through me. Now what?"

"With a calm and peaceful voice entreat the gods for peace of mind."

_Peace, be still. Peace, be still._

The giggling had subsided beside him and Thane opened his eyes to see Shepard with her chin to her chest resting quietly, her legs folded impossibly beneath her. Thane grinned widely.

"Adorable." He whispered to himself before picking Shepard up and carrying her to their bed. She slept the whole day without one breath of a nightmare.

Shepard rose from her bed shaking off the memory like so much light sleep. Her hands went to her face to wipe away errant tears. Even though the dreams now were no longer nightmares, they still brought her much pain.

The ride to Angels was short, and her stay there was even shorter. She nodded a warm greeting to Zaeed and Jack who had taken a strong liking to each other. Go figure. At first she thought it was purely about the sex. It was Jack and Zaeed for god's sake. Shepard was pretty sure their coupling would be powerful enough to destroy a few buildings in the process. But then Jack, being Jack, took a rocket to the gut and Zaeed was there by her hospital bed every day for a week. Of course he made up some bullshit about needing to keep her briefed on Angels' business, but even Grunt, for all his obtuseness could see something there.

Grunt himself was in the cargo garage where they kept the Firewalker stored. After Omega-4, Grunt resurfaced on Tuchanka to put to good use to those breeding requests. Once Angels got started, he returned to his battlemaster's side sporting thick gashes across each side of his face.

"Women." He shrugged. After that, he pretty much stayed away from the krogan homeworld.

She found Garrus at his desk, pouring over the latest requests from Aria T'Loak, requests being polite for 'do this or else I'll jack up your office rent again.'

Garrus was the senior member of the Angels' crew. When Shepard returned to Omega after her eight month absence, she found the turian in the exact same position she had when they met after project Lazarus. The turian had pissed off the seedy underbelly of Omega-again- by being a do-gooder -again, and it was Shepard's job to save his ass -again. Thankfully, the only life at stake this time was his own, so he emerged victorious-again-and this time with less of a depressed chip on his shoulder.

"Garrus," she said sternly. Her second-in-command looked up from his data pad to see his XO staring at him ruefully. He knew what day it was and so did everyone else.

"Hold down the fort. I'll be gone a few days. Make sure you feed Urz and let Jack, Zaeed, and Grunt do whatever they want. Send me the bill later."

"You got it Shep. Be careful out there."

Shepard unconsciously fingered the Locust on her hip. She hated SMGs but this was Thane's gun, and ever since 'inheriting it' she'd never taken a bullet.

"Always am."


	3. Wipe Your Sleepy Eyes

Wipe Your Sleepy Eyes

He awoke in the sea. Darkness, sleep, then all of a sudden water, everywhere swirling and pulsing around him. It took a few seconds to realize that he was underwater and in a few minutes he would drown if he didn't get to the surface. He kicked and moved his arms, and to his surprise, they responded to him with all the familiarity and quickness he 'remembered'. His head broke through the surface of the water, blinking several times to adjust to the lightless night.

He was on Kahje.

Home.

Thane wiped the water off his face and rubbed his eyes again to make sure he was awake. When the vision didn't change, and he was assured that he was on the water planet, the drell swam towards the shore feeling an odd tugging in his heart.

_She is here. _A voice, deep and alien. _The entire galaxy needs her, but she only needs you. _

_Go to her. _


	4. Losing My Religion

Losing My Religion

The trip to Kahje was silent and thoughtless. There would be enough time on the Hanar homeworld to remember and think about what was lost. No need to extend the mourning. She touched down on the planet, ignoring the polite hanar who were delighted that the 'envoy of the Enkindlers' had chosen to grace them with her presence yet again.

"This one would be happy to serve you in any way you desire, Commander Shepard."

"Just make sure no one bothers me. I won't be here long."

"Of course commander. It hopes your stay on Kahje is a pleasant one."

"Sure." She muttered before heading towards one of the many beaches.

**Exactly Two Years Ago**

"Siha," Thane nuzzled against Shepard's neck breathing ragged breathes he tried desperately to conceal from her.

"Hmm?" she answered still hazy after their intense session of lovemaking.

"I wish to go to Kahje."

At mention of his home planet, Shepard snapped out of her daze, alarm in her heart.

"Whatever for?" she asked trying to sound non complacent.

"It's been a while is all. We've been nearly everywhere but have avoided there for some reason. I've seen Mindoir, I want you to see Kahje."

"Oh," Shepard sighed relieved. "Sure, I'll set the coordinates." With that, the woman rose naked from the bed and went to the cockpit to set the auto pilot accordingly. Once she was safely out of earshot, Thane clutched at his chest fighting hard for every breath. After two or three intense minutes of labored breathing, his lungs calmed their fire and he could breathe again somewhat normally.

Time was up.

They touched down on Kahje ignoring the polite hanar who were thrilled to see the 'envoy of the Enkindlers' on their soil for the first time.

"This place is beautiful!" Shepard said, oblivious to the true meaning of the visit. The woman practically ran through the streets her hand in his similarly oblivious to the attention the human-drell couple was drawing. "It's like another Eden Prime, but with Hanar. God this place is gorgeous. Why didn't we come here before?"

More painful than the fire in failing lungs, was the pain that with his final act, he had deceived his Siha. Kahje wasn't just another stop in their galaxy world tour, it was their last stop. Thane wasn't going to die in some hospital with sterilized walls and anesthetized nurses and doctors. His death would be at home, in the sea. Kalahira willing, he'd pass easy and in the ocean's embrace.

"Yes Siha," he said distractedly. "This way. It's this way."

He led her down twisting cobbled roads. The houses they passed thinned considerably as they walked along, Shepard basking in the setting sun. She looked every bit the angel she denied she was in her calf length white dress, a product of her shopping trip with Kasumi. It flowed easily in the wind and billowed behind her like wings. Thane's heart twisted, fear was starting to creep into him like it had the night before Omega-4. Except this time, there would be no miraculous escape from death. He was going to die, and leave her bereft in the galaxy.

Gods know that he had accomplished much, and in the last eight months had lived more than in the previous ten years. It was more than he could have ever prayed for, but it was over now and selfishly he wanted more. He lasted so long. His prognosis was only two months upon meeting Shepard, but she had extended his life to three times that length. He thought after the fourth month, that he'd live another year. After the sixth, he thought he'd live forever. After the seventh, he realized that it was all a vain hope. Before disembarking from the _Venus_ , he sent Kolyat his final farewell. He loved that boy and was sorry he couldn't see him one last time. But his son had survived well enough without him and he didn't need his father in his final days.

"Where are we Thane?" Shepard asked gazing at the modest but empty house on the beach.

"This was my home."

"With Kolyat and Irikah?" she asked reverently.

"No, my birth home. My mother and father lived here. I lived here before I was sent to training."

"Oh, do you want to go in?"

Thane chuckled. "Gods no, If I did, we'd be there all night as memory after memory would flood through me. No I want to go to the beach." He pointed to the long and deserted strip of sand behind the house. By now, the sun was a bright red ball sinking fast into the ocean. Behind them pink, yellow, orange, and red clouds covered the sky. Thane took her by the hand and led her to his family's beach.

They stripped off their clothes and made love in the sand.

"Oooh, how very 20th century of you Thane." She cooed. He kissed her silent.

Afterwards, they took a dip in the still warm ocean, content to pass the time watching the night sky reveal its stars one by one. They lay on their backs, drifting with the current, and Thane pointed out the constellations of his gods.

"That one is there is Amonkira, notice the bow those three stars there make. The nebula is the arrow's wake. That one belongs to Sildonna, goddess of the earth and green things."

"I don't see it,"

"Don't look for a humanoid form, look for a flower."

"Oh, there she is."

"There, here is the good one. That is Arashu. Do you remember the prayer I taught you about her?"

"I do. It's sort of like human Christians' bedtime prayer."

"Yes, in the old days, our children would similarly recite it before sleeping."

"Your religion is beautiful Thane."

"Than-" Before Thane could finish, a fit of wheezing coughs overtook him. Shepard righted herself in the water alarmed.

"Shit. We've spent too much time in water and with all the humidity too. Damnit. I should have known better. C'mon, let's get back on the ship. A dry cycle through the sauna will do you some good."

"No," he managed to sputter out between coughs. "Siha, I'm not going back."

The realization struck her like a lightning bolt and for a second, Shepard stopped breathing. Ice cold shivers stabbed her heart and her gut as it felt like the roof of the world was collapsing in on her. Frantically, she splashed through the water, seized Thane by his wrists, and began to drag him back to shore.

"No. No! C'mon Thane. It's not time yet!"

Thane gently pulled out of her grip. "No Siha," he coughed again, his voice sounded even more like a wheeze as his breathing failed.

She ignored him. "We have to go back, the current is picking up. We won't be able to get back to shore!" Real urgency and fear crept into her voice as Thane drifted further and further out to sea. She was tired and if she fought him any longer they both would be lost.

"Thane, please!" she cried.

"Go, siha." A few more labored breaths, it was getting harder and harder to talk. His muscles were screaming, on fire from the lack of adequate oxygen. Vision blurred, hearing dulled. The current carried him into Kalahira's arms.

"Thane!"

His heart beat loudly in his ears, tears drenched his face. He hurt, it was painful. So very painful, and even worse was her screaming for him. The wake of her splashes made the water choppy. Soon she would tire, if she didn't turn back, Kalahira would claim her too.

Thane summoned all the strength left to him, took one deep breath and expelled it in a loud bellow.

"GO BACK!" Another coughing fit overtook him. His body became numb. "Siha, not much time. Forgive my deception. Didn't want wires…machines." A strange clarity settled on Thane's voice as he drifted away. His final words to her were as clear as morning birdsong. "May Amonkira always reveal your enemies, may he see your feet on their neck. Arashu protect you all the days of your life when I cannot. May Kalahira never call you before your time. My time has come. I love you Shepard. Now fly away. Fly away my Siha."

"THANE!" Shepard floated there helplessly, treading water as she watched him disappear into the dark ocean.

She floated for what seemed like hours until she could no longer make out his body on the water. Letting loose a howl of anguish, Shepard lashed out violently against the water, kicking and screaming, tears running down her face. She cursed, and spat, and flailed until her throat was hoarse and her heart was pounding. Wearily, she swam back to shore. She found two pairs of clothes on the beach, two pairs of footprints in the sand. Only one pair would go back. Still furious, she had thrown his clothes into the ocean, but didn't have the heart to throw his gun away, nor the thin knife he kept up his sleeve. She pocketed them for later use.

Tears obscured her vision, making it that much harder to put clothes back on her still wet and now sandy body. Once dressed, she collapsed in the sand gazing toward heaven looking for any hint that a new soul had found its place there. It was only then that she realized his heaven was sea bound, not sky bound.

Squeezing out the last tears she'd ever cry, Shepard sat down in a perfect lotus position in the sand.

She prayed.

"Kalahira, goddess of death, I pray you receive your son with open and comforting arms. Ease his pain with your warm currents, and let him take his place among your coral halls." She stopped, her voice threatening to break. After a few minutes, she resumed her prayer.

"Arashu, mother of life, you have preserved me another day. So too preserve me while I sleep. And if Kalahira should call while I rest, I pray the ocean receives me well."

Every day thereafter, she recited Thane's prayers. Before eating, blessings went up to Siddona, before the start of a mission with her crew, prayers went to Amonkira. Even in the thick of battle with bullets flying, she prayed short prayers to Kalahira and Arashu even going so far as to adopt Thane's old hunter prayer.

"Amonkira. Lord of Hunters. Grant that my hands be steady, my aim be true, and my feet swift. And should the worst come to pass, grant me forgiveness."

Grunt didn't understand, Jack thought it was stupid, and Garrus could only feel sorry for her.

Shepard did not care.

**Present Day**

On the shores of Thane's family beach, Shepard repeated what happened two years ago. For a few hours, she swam in the sea alone gazing at the stars of gods. When she emerged, she felt lighter but no more comforted. A year ago, she bought some prayer beads from a drell on Kahje who still practiced the old religion. He was reluctant to part with them, especially to the peculiar human, but upon seeing the sorrow in her eyes, he concluded that she needed their comfort more than he did.

She wore the beads daily, even under her armor, and though they did not belong to him personally, she always felt a bit closer to Thane when she used them.

The ritual was complete and her prayers were uttered. She then wearily and haggardly made her way to the abandoned house, found the most comfortable spot on the floor and slept aware that a pair of eyes had watched her every move since she walked into the ocean.

The spy approached her in the dark house. Kahje's moons provided enough light to navigate darkness safely, but not enough to actually see. Her hunter's instinct felt the presence before she could see it. It was male. Possibly human, or drell.

"Amonkira, provide me with good hunting. Arashu protect me from the unseen enemy."

Swiftly and silently, Shepard reached for the Locust and fired a warning shot. The bullets pinged off the crumbling walls but hit no assailant.

"I know you're here. Who are you? Show yourself, you don't need to get hurt."

He stepped forward in the shadows. Tall, male, definitely drell, some training to him as his footsteps were silent. Perhaps an assassin? She also noticed that he was naked.

Disgusted, Shepard shouted at the male again. "Ok, I see you're not carrying any weapons. Did you come here looking to get something out of me?"

"You mentioned the old gods. Not very many drell know their names, let alone humans."

The voice was deep, rumbling, and eerily familiar. "I was taught by a friend. Not that it's any of your business. Run along, today is a bad day for me, and it'll be worse for you."

"Did he teach you the bedtime prayer? Remind me how it goes." The drell said, emotion moving his voice.

His voice. Hearing his voice, spontaneous tears welled in Shepard's eyes. It sounded exactly like Thane's. Exactly. The gods must have been playing some cruel joke. _Great, kick me while I'm down_. It seemed that it was really him standing before her in the darkness. The gun began to shake in her hands.

"Arashu, mother of life, you have preserved me another day."

"So too preserve me as I sleep." The drell finished for her.

"Thane?" The question came weakly.

"Siha," Thane stepped into the thin sliver of moonlight that separated them and Shepard could finally see. It was him, every bit the same as he was two years ago.

Shepard dropped the gun and collapsed into a ball of tears. Reality warped and melted around her, she felt lost.

"Great, that's it. Mind is gone now. I knew it was a matter of time before I was gonna start seeing you in my waking hours too."

Quick as lighting, Thane embraced his Siha on the floor smoothing back her disheveled hair, whispering in her ears. "No, you aren't crazy my sweet siha, it is me. I am here. Do not let your mind deceive your senses. Look."

The commander lifted her head hesitantly to have her brown eyes greeted by twin pools of dark black. Two pairs of eyelids blinked and Shepard giggled in spite of herself.

"Can't be you. Gotta be a clone," she said never taking her eyes from his face. Tears dripped on his scaled hands. "Cerberus sent you to snap me out of it, or something. A gift from Lawson perhaps."

"No, I am me, Siha, all me. Clones can't have another's memories and I remember you on Mindoir defacing your own statue calling it a sham and a waste of credits."

Shepard's sobbing ceased. She remembered Mindoir too. She was fiercely drunk, hoping alcohol would stem the tide of brutal childhood memories.

"Shepard, praise to all gods that I can hold you again. Do not let your mind deceive your senses." He whispered again, kissing her forehead.

He was the same exotic green color, the same warm rumble was in his voice. Though the smell of the sea permeated everything, he still smelled of dry desert air. The arms around her felt warm and comforting, familiar and very strong. Then without warning, she kissed him. She pressed her lips to his urgently, hungrily and when they made contact, fresh tears sprang from her eyes. Shepard grasped at Thane's neck and toppled them both to the floor.

"It is you." She said breathlessly pulling away. "How?"

Thane smiled, unable to pass up the opportunity for a joke. He had taught her prayers, she had taught him the usefulness of a sense of humor.

"Siha, it would be vain of you to think that only you are allowed to return to life."

"Oh gods, It really is you," she exclaimed throwing up her hands in defeat. "Lame jokes and all! Why are you naked? Not that I mind or anything." She surveyed him from head to toe. "Yeah, _every inch_ of you is still there."

Thane blushed and pushed himself into a sitting position in a small attempt at modesty. "To be honest with you, I don't know. I remember drifting out to sea, then nothing, then waking up in water. A voice told me you were here. I listened."

"No afterlife? No palace of coral?"

"Maybe, maybe not." Thane replied shrugging. "I remember many things about you Siha, but you always dismissed my prayers as foolishness. Why now do you pray to my gods?"

Shepard took his face in her hands and planted a strong kiss on his mouth.

"Because when I died, I wanted to go where you went."

A/N: And that's it. I'm not quite sure if I'll have the fortitude to write more of this story. Lord knows I want to explore exactly why Thane was returned to life. And I just can't pass up the idea of writing about the Angels' exploits as well as stories about Shepard and Thane's trip around the galaxy. Who knows? But whatever happens, thanks for reading, and if you like it well enough, leave a message.


	5. Interlude: Stationery

A/N: I don't want to let my story of Thane and Shepard end where it did, so I'm coming back with an interlude of sorts. These stories take place at various points in the story's timeline. Some before Omega 4, some after, some before Thane's death, some after, etc. I plan to make them tie to the original story some way or another and they are designed to be little fluffy or angsty one-shots to keep the mind entertained. Enjoy.

Stationery

She told them where she was going, instructed them not to burn down Omega in her absence, then she was gone. Off into the deep black of space on a round trip to Kahje, his former home planet. She sent the cursory 'how are you doing' email to his son to which he replied with a cursory 'I'm fine' response. Then, her duty taken care of, Shepard had nothing else to do but drift in the waves of the galaxy as the _Venus_ drifted closer and closer to the Hanar homeworld.

Most of the time, she didn't even want to remember him. It was best for her heart if she had no recollection of his eyes, the rumbling timbre of his voice, the scaly softness of his skin. She wanted to remember nothing.

It would hurt less that way. You cannot mourn what you cannot remember.

But now she just lay in bed among sheets still scented with a hint of his musk, remembering the times they shared. She did so with perfect clarity. In the year since his passing, her memories did not fray at the edges with time. Their conversations, their trips, their arguments, their encounters, all were preserved in her mind as if they had transpired yesterday. She could feel the pads of his fingertips on her back, or the sound of his angry snarl when he shot down a merc who had the audacity to graze her with a bullet.

The memories were too clear, eerily so. Once, she had confided to Mordin the phenomena of her perfect memory, and the salarian had surmised it was a side effect of prolonged contact with the drell's skin.

"Drell skin produced hallucinogenic side effect. Over time body grew immune, adapted. Maybe toxins in bloodstream and brain produce the eidetic effect inherent in drell. Will run tests. Interested?"

She wasn't. She was comforted to know that her memories of him were locked up like a safe. Accessible when needed, secured away when not.

Shepard produced the materials she had Kasumi procure for her. It didn't take long to use them, and as soon as the _Venus_ docked Kahje, Shepard was ready to go.

Hanar space was taboo. Jobs that required skirting hanar space were delayed at best, and work on the planet itself was rejected outright. It had been a year since she stepped foot on its sands, but she moved through the cities as if she had lived there all her life. Another product of her memory's mutation.

Pretty soon she was standing on the beach where he had floated away. His childhood home loomed large behind her, still empty and ramshackle. She would spend the night there as she did the first time she was here.

The beach remained unchanged, still tragically beautiful in the waning sunlight. Warm breezes pushed up from the ocean spraying her with sweet and salty sea water. Alien birds sang alien songs in the distance, and light waves broke against the beachhead.

Shepard gulped, her throat seizing. Bad memories, long locked away, came bubbling to the surface reminding her of just how it felt to watch him slip away into the water. Tears welled in her eyes and threatened to spill down her cheeks.

"Let's make this quick Shepard, so you can get off this damn planet."

It hurt to curse a beautiful planet so, but Kahje was a dead world to her. If the Reapers came tomorrow, she'd gladly let them take it. The scope of this bitterness wounded Shepard further. If Thane were here, he'd lightly chastise her for her callousness. If Thane were here, though, she wouldn't hate the planet so damn much anyway. It saved his life, but doomed him, and unsuspectingly it had taken him away. Rationality be damned, she hated Kahje.

It'd taken Kasumi the better part of 3 months to find honest to goodness pulp paper and another two weeks to find a pen. Shepard took the resulting letter out of her pocket and held it against the wind.

"You wrote me one," she spoke softly. "Only fair that I write you back."

Shepard brought the old paper to her lips and kissed it, letting only one tear break free from her eyes. She then let the paper go as a strong wind kicked up and carried it out to sea.

The bereaved commander returned to Thane's house where she spent the night alone on the cold floor, and the next day she was off again, returning to Omega and her job as a mercenary commander. And though she felt like she had lost Thane all over again, none of her crew could tell the difference. The memories of him, good and bad, were all locked away in her heart again, never to be touched, never to be recalled until another year had passed.

_Thane,_

_Keep waiting for me beyond that sea. One day, I'll meet you there._

_Love,_

_Siha_


	6. Interlude: Daughters

Daughters

"If I'm not mistaken, you're Thane Krios?" The drell eyed the human male curiously.

"And you are Councilor Anderson," Thane gave a curt nod of respect.

"Yes, your son has proven invaluable to our C-Sec program, you must be very proud."

"Indeed." Thane shifted uncomfortably unsure, polite chatter with the most politically powerful human in the galaxy didn't come naturally to the former assassin.

"He's told me lots of wonderful things about you."

Thane raised a scaled eyebrow, "Then he overly flatters me."

"Not at all, not at all."

"Forgive me councilor," Thane searched the Presidium for signs of Shepard's return. "But is there something I can do for you?" Thane had spent the day with Kolyat catching up while Shepard went her separate way with Kasumi. Now while Kolyat stopped to tidy up some business with the Hanar embassy, Thane was left alone milling about when the Councilor found him.

Anderson coughed, unsure of how to continue. He approached Thane with a distinct purpose, but he barreled forward moved by emotion rather than tactic. A blush of embarrassment crept onto the human's face.

"You're close to Shepard aren't you?"

"Si-Shepard is close to all of her squad mates, we are her responsibility, her charges." Thane answered diplomatically, not wanting to disclose just exactly how _close _he was to the commander.

"No, I mean _close._" Anderson pressed. Thane cursed inwardly, the man was well informed. Perhaps Kolyat's doing.

The drell's black eyes narrowed considerably and he resumed scanning the area for Shepard's return.

"Ok, ok," Anderson raised his hands in a conciliatory gesture realizing his attempts to be subtle had failed miserably. "I didn't mean to be rude, I'm not really sure how I want to say this."

"I suggest then, you say it quickly." Thane replied obviously annoyed.

"Fair enough." Anderson released a deep heavy sigh.

"I've watched Shepard ever since she lost her parents on Mindoir and joined the Alliance. I've always looked out for her, had her best interests at heart. She's like…" Anderson shifted uncomfortably feeling every minute of his 46 years of life. "Well, she's very important to me."

_Ahh, Anderson reveals himself._ Thane thought, turning toward the human giving him his full attention.

"It seems you have more to say." Thane encouraged.

"She was the best damned XO a captain could ever ask for. A good soldier, and an even better person. No one was more proud of her than I was the day they made her a Spectre."

Thane nodded. "Shepard is an exceptional woman." _Angelic even._

"When she…died. I was distraught. I felt helpless, like it was my fault. I sent her on that mission even after she told me the geth were the least of our worries. I've got no kids and I'm a terrible husband, losing Shepard was like losing my own daughter."

Anderson rubbed the back of his neck, Thane saw the many wrinkles and stress lines that marked the man's face. This was a man more comfortable on the sea of space, not in the stuffy air of self-important politicians. He was a captain, not a politician.

"Ahh listen to me, here I am, an old man rambling. Listen, I can't go where she goes anymore, I can't look out for her like I used to. But you can. I don't think I could handle it if anything happened to Shepard again. That means Udina would become councilor and that'll just be bad for everyone."

Anderson laughed humorlessly and Thane didn't laugh at all. Udina making any decision greater than where to order lunch was never funny.

"So I have to ask you, Mr. Krios, please, look after my daughter. She's the best thing of me left in this galaxy, and you're the only one I can trust with her."

"Why do you think you can trust me?"

"Your son, he's mentioned your affection for Shepard. And even without that, I can see it in your eyes. A father can tell these things y'know?"

Thane smiled congenially, generally pleased that he had misjudged the man. "I would do that, sir, without your asking. Shepard is very dear to my heart as she is to yours. I would cheerfully attend death, if it meant her life."

Anderson relaxed a bit upon hearing that. Good, he picked well. Thane caught the man's visible relief. "I love her as I do my son, as I did my deceased wife. I will be with her till the end of my days."

"I'm very glad to hear that. Very glad."

The awkward pall now lifted, Thane felt more comfortable around the man. He relaxed his posture and stopped analyzing the exits for swift retreats.

"I'm surprised, sir, that you have no reservations about Shepard being with a man like myself."

Anderson blushed again. "Ahh well, she was always a cosmopolitan kind of girl. Her first Normandy was staffed with lots of aliens too. Didn't matter to her if you were blue…or in your case green, so long as you were a good person."

"I meant my status as a former assassin." Thane deadpanned, amused but not offended.

"Oh...well, all the better for you to protect her then." It was time to end this conversation, lest the poor councilor stick his foot in his mouth again.

"Thane!" Over by Presidium Lake, Shepard stood waving and smiling, her business with Kasumi finally completed.

"I guess I better let you go then. There's a galaxy's she's gotta save." Though the mood had considerably lightened, the councilor still had an air of uneasiness about him. For all her triumphs over impossible odds, even death itself, Anderson was still painfully aware of the fact that Shepard was human and therefore susceptible to the same death and pain as everyone else.

Thane took a step towards Anderson and offered his hand. "It is my understanding that in human courtship rituals, the male asks the father of his intended for permission to court his daughter. May I then take the opportunity to ask for your daughter's hand?"

Anderson nearly choked, "Ahh I don't think that phrase means what you think it means."

Thane flushed about as much as a green drell could flush.

Aware that the air between the two men was devolving yet again into a sea of awkwardness, Anderson met Thane's grasp and shook heartily. "But I knew what you meant. And yes, of course, nothing would make me happier Mr. Krios."

Anderson watched from far off as the drell rejoined the commander, choosing to hang back than to inflict his particular brand of awkward on Shepard too. She greeted Thane with a warm and bright smile, looking the happiest Anderson had ever seen her. The woman smiled and nodded at him in acknowledgment to which he replied with a small smile of his own and quick wave. Watching them leave, he really did feel very much like a father watching his daughter leave to start a new life on her own.

"Take good care of her Krios." He said to himself before returning to his work.

Somehow, Anderson had a feeling he would.


End file.
